Funny Videos
Sociologists and psychologists tend to agree that the major signs of sociopathy or anti-social behavior evidence themselves at a very young age in most people. Clearly, this man’s daughter has already committed to the dark side, as you can plainly tell by the maniacal glee that she shows without remorse. Have you ever seen a more evil laugh? It’s chilling.
Read MoreWell, the poop has finally hit the proverbial fan for at least one Occupy Wall Street protest, and it the fan hard in Oakland. Last night, October 25th, Oakland police used flashbangs and bean bag rounds (aka non-lethal rounds) to disperse protesters in downtown Oakland, near 14th Street and Broadway. Early responses from the OPD claimed that the bangs heard in the street that night were fireworks set off by the Occupy Oakland protesters themselves, but apparently the department isn’t aware of things like camera phones and YouTube, because there is ample evidence that they lied through their teeth about the actions of their officers. They’re set to receive some very stringent backlash in the wake of an injury sustained by a two-time Iraq war veteran named Scott Olsen, who is in critical condition after being hit either with a beanbag round or a flashbang ricochet.
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Come on, dress, spread apart a little farther...
You can’t look at this picture to the left and disagree, can you? No, it’s a scientific fact. Anna Kendrick really exploded onto the hotness, er, movie scene in her role as a nascent termination negotiator (i.e. person who helps people that get laid off in big, soulless companies) in Up in the Air, the George Clooney movie from 2009. Now, she’ll be portraying a hot doctor in the charming cancer comedy (how’s that for an unexpected alliteration?) starring Seth Rogen and Joseph Gordon-Levitt titled 50/50. Her beauty actually has medicinal properties, believe it or not. I certainly feel better after looking at this Kendrick gallery.
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Man Vs. Wild Vs. Liquor Vs. Acid Vs. Dignity
Here’s a quick guide to pitching a tent while wasted. (Not that kind of tent…get your mind out of the gutter.)
Take off your shirt–it allows you to be more aerodynamic while you drink, so it must also have the same effect on tent preparation.
Since you’ve been drinking at your campsite/music festival/destination wedding since 8 AM, you should probably crawl next to your buddy. Tent preparations require a basic grasp of gravity, and the closer you are to the earth, the better.
Fumble wildly with your tent supports, preferably while staggering. Oh, you’re actually sitting down still? Then just stare intently at your supports while simultaneously willing them to put themselves together.
Experience a blinding flash of your own mortality and a deep, penetrating dread of life’s futility (should not be hard, since you are almost certainly on psychotropic drugs in addition to the alcohol).
Laugh Uncontrollably, but try not to vomit.
Resolve to put your tent together sober next time. Pass out next to your buddy, become horrifically sunburned, and you’re all done!
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Newsfeed is a new segment on Break that takes a couple of the pertinent news items of the previous day and mercilessly mocks any useful information that they might hold about pop culture. It’s a time-honored internet tradition. Yesterday’s items touched on the disparate worlds of MMA fighting, airline safety, and the sartorial decisions of particular country singers. MMA fan favorite David “Tarzan” Douglas (named for his long hair and strong jawline, perhaps?) took a beating at the hands of Caros “The Future” Fodor. Jane has issued no comments on her paramour’s loss. Country singer and blonde bombshell Julianne Hough wore a supposedly scandalous dress to the Academy of Country Music Awards on Sunday. It didn’t feature chaps or rhinestones of any kind. Shocking! Finally, a Southwest Airlines flight had to make an emergency landing a couple days ago due to a crack in the plane’s fuselage. The crack was apparently caused by a flying phenomenon called “explosive decompression”–this sort of decompression also occasionally occurs in Taco Bell bathrooms, victimizing any poor soul who was foolish enough to try whatever new spicy “meat” burrito currently on offer.
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Everyone's scantily clad and living it up on Fat Tuesday.
It’s the most corpulent holiday of them all, Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras 2011! Grab your cheap plastic beads and hide your daughters anywhere away from New Orleans, for the love of all that is good and pure. The end of the carnival season is nigh at hand, soon to be replaced by the lentil-eating restraint of, well, Lent. Before all of the Catholics get rub ash ceremonially on their foreheads, however, the good times will roll in the Big Easy tonight, as they have been for most of the booze-soaked weekend. Any other Mardi Gras catchphrases to squeeze in here? No? If not, here’s some Louisiana trivia for you: New Orleans became the capital of Louisiana in 1723, about 20 years after the first celebrations of Mardi Gras began in what is now Mobile, Alabama (used to be part of French Louisiana; they locked down that whole area for quite some time). Celebrate this fat holiday with responsible, if manic, behavior, internet friends.
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We could have all seen the Charlie Sheen rant coming a long time ago.
It’s official: Charlie Sheen is the greatest celebrity train wreck of all time. His latest rant on the loathsome Alex Jones’ talk show reached the pantheon of drug-addled, incoherent rambling. In a little over twenty five minutes, Sheen insults Chuck Lorre, creator of his hit show “Two and a Half Men”, asserts that he “cleansed” himself of his alcohol and cocaine addictions “with his mind…in a nanosecond”, and somehow claimed to have watched the movie “Jaws” in 4D on his yacht with a porn star and a marijuana magazine model. He also referred to himself as an F-18 fighter jet that was constantly “winning”, unlike all of the losers and ugly people in Alcoholics Anonymous, which he has roundly rejected. Simply astonishing. CBS promptly canceled “Two and a Half Men” today, and TMZ received another rage-filled letter from Sheen saying that the show’s creator was a “contaminated little maggot that can’t handle [his] power”. This Charlie Sheen rant will go down in absolute infamy.
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Possible spin-off: Hathaway and Hardy Meet Frankenstein.
After months, nay, years of furious speculation on the part of jaded entertainment journalists and overweight comic nerds, Anne Hathaway and Tom Hardy have been confirmed to work with director Christopher Nolan on the final installment of his Batman trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises. Hardy recently worked with Nolan on the mind-bending smash hit Inception last summer, and he’ll portray Bane, one of Batman’s more “formidable” archenemies. Hathaway will reprise the role of Catwoman, made famous in the original Batman films by Michelle Pfeiffer. Now that the rumors can finally be put to rest, it’s safe to say that all parties involved can agree on one thing: Anne Hathaway might not re-vitalize the role completely (a la Heath Ledger and the Joker), but she’s much prettier than Katie Holmes or Maggie Gyllenhaal. That’s enough for a start.
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